Hate to be removed

it was surprised when you realized that u get removed by someone.
either it was your ex or someone you dont know well. it were your friends? or someone else.
It feel the same. HURT. PAINFULL.
some years ago i ever remove someone from my facebook friend list.
i was very angry. then decided not to know him/her in my whole life anymore.
i stopped all comunication way to interact with him/her.
i just wanna totally delete that people from my life.
i called it "black list".

i thought it will safe my heart from broken.
i thought my life will so much better without them.
i thought it can be so easy and i can move on soon.
i thought it all their fault. and thats all the consequencies.
they should be get it.

time goes on,,and i realized
i'm totally WRONG
it's so un-grow up.
it's unfair.

it is just i do love someone mucho, so i can't pretending to hate them
because i only can hate someone badly IF i ever deeply in love with him
i remove them just because i'm scared.
i scare that someday i know that he will fallin in love with someone else.
i scare to know not to be part of his life anymore.
it was so sad knowing all his activities.
how was his life without me.
is he more happy?
is he can move on soon?
i just TO MUCH CARE of him and his life
so better if try and learn not to care of him anymore
it is one way to keep me struggle

i hate when someone delete their comment, or wall, or message that their already written
i already read it
and then some minutes later
it dissapears
it feels like someone change her mind
because they realized that texting you is a big mistake
and they dissapointed
it hurts. really

i ever removed by someone to
i just try to keep think positive
She or he love me like i did when i remove someone =)
let time heal that pain away,,amin