thinking about resign

I think about it today.

After reading some article and someone blog. I can't stop thinking of this. I read someone story about how he finally resign from his presticious job in Indonesia, where a hundred maybe thousand people wish at his position. He said that when first entry working he can absolutely know what is right and wrong. What is black and white. And after 6years working, he even didn't know what grey is. He lost his idealism. He lost his passion. He lost his working spirit. And when i read all of the blog comments below, i realised that he is not alone in this world who feel it. And i myself realized to, that i am not alone.

Then i read rheinad Kasali's article at Rumah Perubahan. He said about "Lentera Jiwa" or light of Soul. Every human always searching and looking for their Light of Soul, something that can make them happy, something that can make them exciting everyday, something that most people know about passion. Something that i am questioning in one time in my daily life "is this what i am looking for, for so long?"

There is what some people say "The Cage" (kurungan jiwa). Youth people in one time ever feel it. How life become so boring. And i always asking over and over again is this right? Or is this just not so me.

Then (again) today i read some travelling book that write by my sister's friend. It tell me about her experience to Sabang Island or Weh Island in the corner of Indonesian border. Her telling me about how she enjoy her life. About her dream to travelling around Indonesia with her (future) husband. And in the end of her story is she resign from her architec job.

I think i sould think about it. Because Life should be magical and meaningful ♥

an absurd morning

Need to tell,

This weekend i got bored, i always thinking every second in my daily life, is this life that i want?

Or i just spending my time living in life as usual. I don't know, i just wanna find my passion. As i know that people usually find their passion in school time, when their graduated, and entry college time. But me, i am in my working time. I have a good-prestige job as a banker. I have a great salary. I enjoy every day with reading a great books, eating a nice food, shopping or just walking around in plaza. I have a nice office partner. I have (office) car that everyday i can use. I have house that my office borrow for me. But i feel uncomplete. I feel empty. I just lost my passion. Passion that make me passionate everyday after wake up.

I have a dream to working at home and raising my future children everyday, watching every step of their grow, teaching them everything, sleeping with them, playing with them, drawing, cooking, telling story, i will do all my best, all my knowledge, most of my time spending with them (even now i starting my pregnancy program).

I always getting jealous after reading some of blogs from outside Indonesia. I can't imagine how mother around the world can doing so much fun with their family at home, make money from home, travelling alot, have a huge dream house, have a car, even i didn't see they are going to work to office. It is so different with my country. Every women or mother should go to work to office for make money. I can't tell job beside doctor, banker, architect, nurse, enterpreneur, seller, lecture, teacher, okey now i can't tell it anymore. I just know that there only job in office. I didn't have an idea how can people make money from home, because i want to. It reminds me of Diana Rikasari fashion blogger who rise her child by herself without nanny and still can make money from home.

Buy a house is every women dream including me. I wanna have that one dream house. But house is very expensive, we have to saving alot or borrowing money from bank and pay it regularly. With my salary, i should pay about 15-20 years to pay it all. And it cost a quarter of my salary. How come i have a house without working at office everyday?

My job consequency is every year/ 2 years i should move to another city. It is our (me and my husband) homework how to running our marriage if we live separately because of my job. Imagine that, a month before we are getting married, i should move to another city because my job promotion. So, from our first day of marriage until now we have a long distance relationship. We meet every 2 weeks or more only on saturday and sunday. It is makes me tired. I just wanna enjoy my marriage normally.

I don't know maybe other woman/ mother out there have a same story with me. It was so good to write all of this. Some of my -always-thinking things. I hope you a great day all ♥